Bonsai love.

Babies!

How are you? Good? GOOD!

It's been a while since i've had words spilled out here. Having a teeny bit of a block in my system.

Anyhooo~ CNY is coming up and a collegue and good friend of mine, Rayvin decided to leave me with the huge responsibility of baby sitting his pretty little Bonsai. I've never had much luck with plants. No, seriously. I was given a precious daisy plant 2 years ago and it died on me within 2 weeks. It had sufficient light and H2O but somehow, it became sad, dried out and finally, died. -_______- I had no clue what i was doing wrong. After that incident, i decided not to have anything to do with plants. No more!

And here i am, baby sitting this pretty little thing. It has been following me everywhere i go. *watchful eyes* Even right now, while i'm blogging, it's right next to me.

"It's a bonsai, Sonia. It needs attention to survive. It's not that hard, you know?"

Yes, Rayvin! Doing my best! We'll see you next week. Gong Xi Fa Chai!

Much love,

Bunny.

But then again...

Disasters. War. Sorrow. Torture. Loneliness. Death.

Humans survive these.

And yet, being human, why can't I survive this pain that overcomes me?

Reality of dreams.

Hey kids!

How are you? Good? Good!

I had a very disturbing dream last night. It's like one of those dreams where you're in a familiar place and you're given a choice of two doors to pick. You pick the right one, it's all rainbows, bunnies and cupcakes. But have you ever wondered what's behind the other door? What if you thought you picked the right door, only to find out it was never the right door. (Okaayy, i dunno if i'm making any sense to you right now.)

The difference is, in my dream i knew exactly what were behind those two doors. It felt so surreal. And truly being the indecisive human being i've always been since i was a little girl, i didn't know which door to pick, although i knew what was waiting for me behind each door.

An extremely negative trait that i possess is running or hiding away from conflicts of any kind. Instead of facing the cold, harsh reality and move on, i run away from it. I always play safe. ALWAYS. But how long can i stay safe if i keep running away? How long can i run as fast i do now? Sooner or later (I prefer later!), i don't think i'll be able to run as fast as i'm running now and every single thing i ran or hid away from is going to come crawling up to my skin.

That was exactly what i did in the dream too. I ran away. As fast as i could. I woke up to my BB showing me 4.47am and wondering "Where the fuck did that come from?!"

And yes, i was late to work.



I'm no where near THE LIST! (Not that i'm complaining.)

I was back in my hometown yesterday. Shot down after work for an old friend's engagement. (Everyone's getting married!) It felt good to be home, in presence of the folks. I realised how much i miss the both of them. They're getting old. Sigh. Age hits everyone, doesn't it?

Anyhoo, we got to the engagement around 7ish pm. Priya looked so pretty. She'd be a very beautiful bride. Lucky guy! And yeah, everyone kept telling me "You're next!" And i'm like "Heh. Not really, no." If you guys have been following you'd know Marshmellow and i are no longer together. We decided to call things off after 4 looonnggg years. Weird? Yes. Because they'd all know by now that i'm no longer on THE LIST! It's been a year since we ended things. An yet, they ask me things like "When are you planning yours?". Living in a town like Port Dickson, everyone knows every other living being's business. My neighbour even makes a fuss about our dog peeing in OUR own garden!

And so, i had to duck away and run from every Aunty and Uncle who knew me so that i could skip the whole ackward "When's your turn? Bla Bla" conversation. That was a little hard to do since i was wearing a blood red Punjabi suit with bright silver sequins. I think i overdressed. In no way trying to overshadow the bride. I swear. Priya's one of my best friends, for love's sake!

While i was on hideout, my dad was by my side the whole time (My dad's the best!), i saw a very pretty girl walking around in a beautiful green saree. She looked so familiar. So very familiar. But i couldn't make out who she was. While we were at the dinner table, with a whole bunch of people, she came by our table to say goodbye. Next thing you know, my mum's like "Sonia's here!", and pointed at me, i looked up, Payasam (Indian sweet porridge) still half way to my mouth. She walked over to me and that was when i realised who she was. 

A very OLD school friend which i had not kept in touch for in AGES! Shalini! She looked so glowly! She came by and landed a peck on my cheek. "OMG. So long since i saw you!"

We had a small catch up session. She's married now. Wow. I'll say it again! EVERYONE'S either married or GETTING married. The whole journey from the hall to home was an ackward one with my mum going on about who's on the list already and who's getting there. I was silent all the way, realising how hard it is to be Indian. No, seriously! When you're a kid, it's about studies and grades, then it's about "working in a good company, with a good job" and then there's the whole deal about finding an ideal partner. My mum even volunteered to look for a candidate! INSANITY to a whole new level!

I wonder how the community is gonna react if i bring home a tattoed, pierced guy who works as a nurse.

I'm different. Always have been.

DEAL WITH IT.



Graveyard shifts & robots.

So yeah, i work graveyard shifts and for the past 2 months i've been on the 5am shift which to me is totally insane because i'm SO NOT A MORNING PERSON. I have a bad habit of sleeping late every night which makes it hard for me to get my ass up at 4am! This is totally on me because i have another bad habit of taking long "naps" in the afternoon after work. (I wouldn't call it a nap if it's a duration of 4-5hours. -___-)

And when i sleep THAT long in the afternoons, it isn't easy to fall asleep at night! (Go, figure!)

9.15pm- What shall i eat tonight?
9.16pm- If i ate anything right now and fall asleep right after, i'm gonna get fat.
9.18pm- Oh, wait. I'm already fat.
9.19pm- Fat whore. Fat whore. Fat whore.
9.20pm- *Noms on a whole box of Famous Amos while watching reruns of Vampire Diaries*

10.00pm- *Stares at empty box of Famous Amos*
10.00pm- Fat whore. Fat whore. Fat whore.
10.01pm- Noone's gonna marry me. -____________-
10.02pm- I wonder if they'd invent robots with feelings by the time i reach the age to get married.
10.03pm- Robots who look like Rajinikanth?
10.03pm- Wow. Robots who look like Rajinikanth.
10.05pm- Or robots who look like Haley Joel Osment, just a more grown up version of him.
10.10pm- Do robots have sex?
10.11pm- ..................................................................
10.23pm- *Sings "Like a G6"*
10.25pm- What if there really were robots living among us?
10.26pm- No, like seriously.
10.27pm- Wow. I wonder what they eat.
10.30pm- ...................................................................
10.32pm- *Watches some robot videos on YouTube*
11.43pm- Okaaaayyy. I don't think i'd wanna have sex with a robot.
11.45pm- *Noms on a big fat peanut butter and jelly sandwich*
12.00am- Oh, noooo! Fat whore. Fat whore. Fat whore.
12.02am- Noone's gonna marry me.
12.05am- ....................................................................
12.15am- Then my mum would have to find me a husband, which will most probably be a nerd who wears  black thick-framed glasses who wears his pants up to his belly button.
12.16am- *Imagines mum with a gigantic smile, saying "A very good Indian boy. He works in a bank!"*
12.20am- I'd rather have sex with a robot.

-__________________-

Solar-powered Bibles sent to Haiti. Seriously?

No offence to anyone but I don't think these are going to bring them much RELIEF.

Not when they're in desperate need of food and shelter. All that money spent for these technological features could have been put to better use. Err. Like KEEPING THEM ALIVE?

Russian trance motherfff kicks ass!

I like myself more today than i did yesterday.

I leave you with "Moscow Never Sleeps" by DJ Smash.

It's a brand new year.

But why do i feel like doing this?

How was your New Year celebrations? :)

Robert Pattinson and Bubble Teas.

Okaaaay. I had a weird ass dream this morning. A beautiful kinda weird.

I saw Robert Pattinson selling bubble tea. That pale faced, messy haired beaute, selling bubble tea! How weird is that? He even asked me what flavour i wanted.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

But before i could answer him, I woke up to Demon's cold, wet nose rubbing the edges of my feet indicating he needed to go to the toilet. Talk about wrong timing! And so, i walked Demon to the toilet and wishing he would hurry up so i could continue my beautiful dream. But when i tried to force myself back to sleep, i couldn't! Damnit. And my dreams of dreaming about Rob P. serving me bubble tea were shattered. -____-

Maybe next time it'll be champagne and strawberries. *crosses fingers*

Rant alert!

People! How are you? Good, i hope!

Okaay. So, it's like 5 days to Christmas. And i don't even have a tree in my house. How sad is that? Time just FLIES, doesn't it? I've been pretty busy with work. Sigh. My house looks so dull. (Cleaning update: It's ALMOST done.) Everyday after work, the first thing that comes to my mind is "So, what now?". Can you believe that? I find that extremely disturbing! Because a NORMAL person would go "YAY!".

Another disturbing thought, i think i'm an alcoholic. (HAHAHA.) It's really funny when i admit it because i NEVER do. I know i'm Indian and all. And i know all those sayings that go "Indians are born alcoholics" but yeah, i think i am one. Or at least, turning into one. I'm only really happy when i'm boozed up. I have issues, man! Oh, and today i saw a bunch of people carolling where i work, and i totally started tearing. I miss my family so damn much! Sigh.

I don't know if this is gonna make any sense to you. But yeah, just needed to rant!

Merry Christmas, people.

Bondage bunny.

No tears that fall,

No barred doors,

No inhibited desires.

Then i would gladly be bound to these,

Most beautiful,

Most enigmatic,

Most inescapable,

Chains.

I just realised something.

When you don't get what you want, you're miserable. When you get what you don't want, you're miserable. And when you do get what you want, you're still miserable.

Because you can never hold on to it forever.

Weird thoughts.

Hey people.

Nope, i haven't started cleaning. (Just in case you were wondering.) I couldn't fall asleep the whole night! My mind wandered in it's own thoughts. There were certain times where the thoughts made no sense whatsoever. This is exactly what happens when you're alone. You tend to think wayyy too much and that's when the paranoia hits you. I know i sound like a total nutcase right now. (OMG.) Hey, but it's true okay?! And so, i fell into deep sleep right after the sun came up. I'm finding it a little hard to sleep because for the past two weeks, the boyfriend has been keeping me company with all the sleepovers since i was a sick child *cough* and now he's not around anymore! *cries*

Marshmellow's parents are down from China and he's gonna be a busy little bee, running errands and planning family gatherings. You will be sorely missed, baby. -______-

Will keep you update on the cleaning progress. Have an awesome day, kids!

Hmmm. Noodle soup.

I have a birthday party to attend tonight.

But what i REALLY wanna do is just cuddle up with the babies at home and watch reruns.

Life has been a tad bit on the low end lately. Everything is just not working out right. I blame it on bad timing. But you know what they say. Life must go on! And i'm actually pretty sick of my emotional ramblings all the time when i'm supposed to be blogging about happier things! Like Christmas and presents. Oh, oh, and re-decorating my house! *clap clap*

I looove decorating. It makes me happy. Cleaning makes me happy too. It never fails to lift up my spirit. (Yes, people. I have the "Monica Geller-Syndrome".) BUT..... My house has been looking a little crappy lately due to the constant depressive mood i'm in. All i wanna do is curl up in a foetal position and just listen to Radiohead the whole day. (Pathetic, much?)

On a happier note, i went out last night! I was crrrraavvingg for hummus and Lebanese bread but it was 2ish am and all i could find was late night hawkers and mamaks. And so with a sad face, i ordered noodle soup. Hmmm. Noodle soup. *Ala Joey Tribianni* It was pretty awesome, though. After dinner, i went for a beer with the boyfriend and Babar. Oh, oh... Babar got me to play Pool! (OMG. Noone can get me to play Pool.) I've never really played Pool, like everrr. But that Babar Khan has crazy persuasive powers! He's an awesome pawsome Pool guru, i'd have to say! The game went pretty well. (My first ever Pool game.) *shiny eyes*

Okay! That's all for now, babies. Off to work now.

Babai! *waves*

Bingeing goes right down to my butt!

WTF?!

I have no idea what i'm trying to imply with that title. *Ahem*

I have been craving for a ton of food lately. Like at friggin' 3am, i'd crave for blueberry cheese cake or 'apam balik'. (Damn you, mothereffin' binges!) But the weird thing is, it's not hunger pangs, just GREED taking over my body! SIGH.

You see, i'm supposed to be losing weight because i have actually put on a ton of weight recently. And again, i blame those late night binges! *runs and hides*

DIET.DIET.DIET.DIET.DIET.DIET.DIET.DIET.DIET.DIET.

The drowning pool.

The touch of lust drowns us slowly,
Into another dimension.
Filled with nymphs and strange toys.
The passion is as dark as the sheets we lay in,
Blood red.
Dark and psychedelic?
This is ecstasy.
All senses are awoken.
Aroused.
Every touch burns with pleasure.
As we drown deeper and deeper,
There is nothing more now,
Than to reach the end of the pool.
The drowning pool.
And when we awake from ecstasy,
We label ourselves,
Sinners.

-Sonia S. Anthony

The sound of her voice.

My eyes awake to the sight of the sun.

My ears awake to the sound of her voice.

I hear her sing,

That sweet, sweet sound of her voice.

Beautifully haunting.

Whenever she sings,

It is as though she calls out for me.

It seems like her voice calls out my name,

Only in a different language.

That voice.

Her voice.

I will die,

Just to hear her sing again.

- Sonia S. Anthony